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I was once asked to describe myself in one word. The best I could come up with was: Contradictory. Trying to neatly fit me into a specific label or box is somewhat of an exercise in futility and frustration! I am a mother, yet I have no children here with me. I fiercely love my […]
I miss her most in the autumn. My sweet Grace. It’s not the day she was born still or her due date. It’s not when I discovered I was pregnant. It’s not any of those anniversary dates that can sneak up and drown my heart in sorrow. I have never found a logical reason for […]
Sweet Mama, I wish I could be there with you now, in person, to hug you and hold you through these darkest of days after the loss of your precious child. I wish that I could sit with you, pour you a cup of comforting hot cocoa or tea, tuck a warm blanket around you […]
I have been thinking about the word “lost” quite a bit lately. “When We Are Lost” is the title of the new book I’m working on and it is something I have felt more than a few times in my life. When we lose someone we love – our children, our partner, our friends or […]
My family died. My fiancé was killed in a car accident and mere months later our daughter was born still. Here, then gone. Both circumstances completely beyond my control. I had a sweet little growing family and then they were gone and I was left behind to survive alone. It took me 6 years to […]
It’s that time of year again. That time when everywhere I look there are aching reminders – commercials, racks of cards, advertisements, special programs, and endless talk of Mother’s Day. When the day actually arrives, social media is plastered with images of mothers and their children, stories of sweet gestures – barely edible breakfast in […]
I spent a couple hours the other night rocking someone else’s crying baby to sleep. It’s something I do fairly regularly now as part of a new job. Sweet baby smell, aching arms, and that heavy sleeping baby weight in my arms. On the same day I also looked at pictures of a friend who […]
Grace Hayden. My Grace. Sometimes I say her name in my head over and over again and it brings me comfort. I’ve been missing her more than words can express lately, my sweet baby who would be turning 14 next week. Grief has ebbed and flowed over these past 14 years – sometimes a quiet […]
This past year has been tough. Amazing in a lot of ways, but also challenging. A little over a year ago, I uprooted my life, left my beautiful and supportive community of friends and moved across the country. It was absolutely the right decision for me and much of it has been wonderful, but it’s […]
The thing I dislike most about grief? I can be having the best day, and then out of the blue, something will strike me in just the right way and I’m a sobbing mess. A random thought that drifts across my mind and everything stops. She should be 14. It blows my mind that in a […]
