Niceness is highly overrated.
Nice would be ok of it actually meant what we want it to mean. But it doesn’t. Nice generally means be quiet. Tone yourself down. Be small. Be people-pleasing.
Nice usually means “Don’t rock the boat.” “Don’t make me uncomfortable.” “Don’t make me look at my actions or question my beliefs.”
In other words, “YOU be nice so I don’t have to change anything.”
What being nice doesn’t mean (as many of us want to think) is being kind, being compassionate, or being loving.
It sure as hell doesn’t deepen or build relationships.
Usually we shut our true nature down and play nice when we are trying to get a need met – the need to be loved, to gain approval, or to feel worthy.
The problem is that is being nice won’t actually get those needs met. Especially not if we are shutting off our true nature to do so. Why?
Because if someone only loves or approves of us when we’re being nice, they don’t really love and approve of us.
And neither do you. (Because, let’s be honest, you don’t much like the “playing nice” you either!!)
Those needs for love and approval and worthiness can only be met by you – when you are actually being you.
Being true to yourself and allowing others to do the same? That’s something to approve of and to love. That’s your sense of worthiness right there.
It’s also true kindness and compassion and love. That is what deepens and builds relationships.
So, be kind. Be compassionate. Be loving. Be YOU.
Be outspoken. Quiet. Sassy. Sweet. Quirky. Rebellious. Traditional. Bold. Subtle. Wild. Opinionated. Blunt. Touchy-feely. Nerdy. Brilliant.
Be whoever you truly are by nature. That you? That you is awesome.
Fuck being nice.
Photo by Ramiro Mendes