I’ve noticed an interesting theme popping up in my life and with several of my clients lately.
We aren’t who we used to be.
And we forget that.
Over the last couple years personally, I feel like I have to adjust to a new sense of self every couple of months – with my work, with my eating, with my activity level, and with relationships in my life. It takes my mind and sense of self a while to catch up with the changes I’ve put into place. The gap in that process is a little disorienting.
I’ve noticed it happening with clients too. They aren’t the people they used to be and that’s clear in their behaviors and actions – yet their mind still sees them as who they were.
This adjusting of self-identity is a natural process. It happens at some level with any change we implement in our life. Sometimes, though, it can cause some problems.
Like when we beat ourselves up for who we used to be and the choices we made then…and forget that we aren’t that person or making those choices anymore.
Or when those people who used to fit in our lives no longer do and we have a gap between them leaving and our new “peeps” coming in…and we think there’s something wrong with us because of that gap.
Or when we fall back into old, unhelpful patterns because we aren’t willing to embrace or accept that we’ve changed.
Or any other way that we beat ourselves up, sabotage new habits, reject new relationships or improving relationships, or otherwise make life harder on ourselves than it needs to be.
Changing old patterns and habits and mindsets takes work. It means making effort and doing something differently and paying attention to how we treat others and ourselves. Most importantly, it means being willing to let go of who we thought ourselves to be and being willing to embrace a new self-identity – even when it feels unfamiliar and uncertain.
Who you used to be was perfect for that time and place. You of then made choices with the knowledge and identity and information you had then. That’s not you anymore.
Who are you now? How can you more fully embrace the you of today?