“I’m tired” been a phrase that has run through my head nearly every day since my early teens. Sometimes, it feels like I’ve been tired for most of my life.
It also feels like I’ve been fighting that tiredness for most of my life. Fighting my high need for rest and recovery time, fighting with my body for not being more energetic or not having the stamina I think it should have, and fighting myself for not being able to do as much as I tend to think others can do.
Last week I threw what was essentially a mental hissy fit and got fed up with being tired and worn out all the time.
I berated myself for being where I am.
I cursed my body for being what it is.
I compared and criticized myself for being (or, rather, feeling) less than other people.
I railed bitterly against feeling what I feel, physically and emotionally.
I cried and cursed and spewed a messy email of shitty thoughts and feelings to my coach.
Fortunately, she was wise enough to give me a good kick in the ass and tell me to knock it off.
“You are where you are. Stop fighting what is. You are not allowed to hate yourself or your body for being where you are.”
It’s really irksome when she’s right. 😉
I am where I am.
My body is where it is.
The truth is, I’d probably be a lot less tired if I would stop being angry and fighting myself for being tired.
One of the things I KNOW because I’ve seen it over and over and over again through the years, is that when I, or my clients, fight or resist an emotion, the stronger that emotion is and the longer it takes to move through.
Resisting anger or sadness or grief or hurt or disappointment? Get comfortable with them because they aren’t going anywhere until you acknowledge and accept them.
Although “tired” isn’t really an emotion, apparently I forgot that the same principle applies.
Resist = persist.
The truth is I’m worn out and tired these days. Dragging myself out of bed and functioning for the day is challenging more days than not.
I could give a whole list of reasons why that might be the case – it’s been a helluva couple of years.
But, honestly, why doesn’t matter. The why we feel the way we feel never really matters. It’s just a story and it can be rewritten.
What my brilliant coach reminded me is that whatever we feel, wherever we are, it’s ok. We are where we are. We feel what we feel.
Once we accept that and stop resisting it, where we are automatically changes.
I’m still tired, but I don’t feel quite so beaten down and exhausted as I did before my coach gave me my ass-kicking reminder. As soon as I quit fighting, something shifted. A small shift, but shift all the same. And it started clearing space for actual solutions to my tiredness to come through.
Wherever you are with anything in life, it’s ok.
Whatever you feel, it’s ok.
You are where you are. Fighting what is won’t help.
And, in the words of my coach, “You are not allowed to hate yourself or your body for being where you are.” Hate never helps.
Cut yourself a break.
I’m cutting myself one, too. (In fact, I might just go take a nap!!)
What are you resisting? Are you willing to cut yourself a break? Something to ponder.