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The Myth of Never-Ending Grief

Grief ends“Grief lasts a lifetime.”

“Grief never ends.”

“Those who have lost a loved one will always grieve.”

These are just a few of the statements I hear or read regularly in traditional grief support circles.

Well, cadswallup. Hogwash. Bullhinky.

Why on earth these statements continue to get told and used to add more weight to the already painful grief process is beyond me.

Because they aren’t true.

Grief isn’t a constant, never-ending process. Even in the darkest, heaviest pieces of the process, there are moments when it stops.

Perhaps its just the briefest of moments when you see something beautiful and smile and forget the pain for a second.

Maybe it’s a few moments when you are totally present with a loved one or in an activity, that all thought of your loss fades away.

Perhaps, eventually, hours and days might go by and you don’t think of the loss that brought so much grief into your life. Or you think of your loved one and memories and feel only gratitude and love.

In those moments, grief ends.

This doesn’t mean that 10, 40, 70 years after your loss you won’t still experience times of grief. Grief comes and goes in waves, but it isn’t a constant, never-ending experience.

When you grieve, grieve. Experience it fully, feel it, let it move through you.

But in those moments when it ends? Experience those too. Feel those too. Notice those too.

They are the light in the dark, the joy in the pain. They are equally part of the grieving process – they are the life moments that give meaning to the process of grieving and living.

Grief isn’t forever. Take heart in the moments when it ceases.


  1. Post comment

    30 years and i still grieve for Debbie who passed from breast cancer at 37

    Grief should go on in any event fuck it fuck life fuck optimism fuck the world fuck existence


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