Skip links

The Risk of “Someday When”

Someday WhenA friend said it to me recently, “My husband and I tend to end up at the bottom of each other’s priority list, but we’ll have more time for each other as a couple when our children are grown and out of the house.”

“We’ll have time to travel when we retire.”
“We plan to do that when we’re more financially secure.”
“We are going to take that second honeymoon together after the kids graduate.”
“It’s in our plans for someday when. . .”

Someday when.

I looked at my friend and said, “Please stop waiting for when. Don’t put off your relationship for someday when. When might never come. Live now.”

I’m not very good at waiting for things in life. When I have an idea or decide that I want something, I generally go for it – now. It’s something people in my life comment on a lot 🙂 “Emily doesn’t wait around for much.”

There’s a reason for that. I’m not perfect about it, but I’ve learned that someday when all too often doesn’t come.

When my fiancé was alive, I put off a lot of nights and time together for classes or homework or work or just because I was tired – figuring that once we graduated from college we’d have plenty of time for each other and to do things we wanted to do together.

Our life together after graduation never happened. He died before “someday when. . .”

I’ve seen it happen time and again with family and friends.

My uncle was diagnosed with cancer shortly after retirement. He’s gone now and with him all the plans he and my aunt had for “after we retire.”

A friend of mine and her partner talked about having kids “someday when we are financially secure.” Well, when that day came they had difficulty conceiving and then her partner died suddenly. Their someday when children never came to be.

Another friend and her husband put off time and travel together as a couple saying, “We’ll have more time for our relationships after the kids are grown.” He died before their kids were grown and that time for their relationship was gone.

I did it again myself, even though I knew better. “I’ll tell my family about the baby when I go to see them for Christmas.” That Christmas announcement never happened, my baby died in the womb before Christmas came.

How many times do all of us tell ourselves, I’ll do it “someday when?”

What if “someday when” never comes?

What I miss the most with my fiancé has never been the big events or the special occasions I made time for – holidays, anniversaries, etc.

What I miss the most are the little moments, the ordinary days, the adventures we only talked about – the time I didn’t spend because we’d have more time for that “someday when.”

Little moments, big moments. Special occasions, ordinary days.

Do you really want to risk the life and relationships you truly love and want for the hope that “someday when” comes?

Live them now.

Spend time with the ones you love.
Go on the adventure and trips you long to take.
Do the work you want to do.
Live the life you talk about living, now.

I promise you, you will regret far more the things you didn’t do because you were waiting for “someday when” than the things you did.

Someday when is no guarantee.

Love now.


  1. Post comment

    I am here from Mel’s Friday Blog Roundup.

    This is a very beautiful post and a lovely reminder of such very hard won knowledge. You are sending me off thinking about what my someday-whens are and what needs to go at the top of the list. 🙂


Join the Discussion

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.