The Cruelty of False Hope After Your Baby Dies

When your baby dies, people love to reassure you that "of course, you'll have another baby (that lives)" or "now you know you can get pregnant. Next time will work" or "just keep the faith, rainbows always come after the storm" or "never give up! XYZ person had X number of miscarriages and they just had a healthy baby!"

Hope.

Everyone wants to give you hope and optimism.

The reality is, however, that they can't guarantee that you will ever have a living baby to hold and nurture. And even if they could, that doesn't take away the profound loss and grief for *this* baby who died.

No one is guaranteed a living baby. To push that kind of certain hope on grieving parents is not only false hope, it's harmful.

Hope is a beautiful and powerful thing, but false hope in the midst of devastating loss and uncertainty is cruel and hurtful.

Instead of offering false hope, acknowledge the uncertainty and pain of our loss. Instead, offer the only certainty you can control after the loss of our baby - your willingness to met us where we are and be with us as we navigate the jungle of grief. If you want us to have something that is certain and guaranteed, give us YOU.

That is a hope we can hold onto.